The Male Warrior/Trial Lawyer: Hidden Spirituality

Excerpts from “The male warrior/trial lawyer: male trial lawyers are fighting issues of “hidden spirituality” and “false masculinity” that carry over into their professional relationships with women”

These are changing times for men, especially in our profession. We men trial lawyers need to be aware of fundamental, profound and rapid changes in our roles as male warriors/trial lawyers. This is a subject that has interested me for some time. In the 1990s I formed a men’s group and explored the whole emerging phenomena of the men’s movement. Now it is time to take another look at that whole issue, especially from the perspective of plaintiff ’s trial lawyers.

I recently read a thought provoking book called The Hidden Spirituality of Men, by Matthew Fox. Matthew Fox is a well-known, former Roman Catholic priest who has written and lectured about social and spiritual issues for many years. In his preface, Fox points out some of the observations that have became well-known in the men’s movement:

• Men have a lower life expectancy than women
• Suicide rates among men are much higher than women (as much as three times more, although women attempt and fail at suicide more often than men)
• Men may not deal with stress as well as many women do because men often resist getting counseling or other help

Hidden Spirituality

Fox suggests that there are many reasons why men’s spirituality is “hidden,” including some that I have observed in my many years of lecturing to and consulting with trial lawyers, primarily men. Some of these include:

• Western Culture: because Western culture is still a dualist patriarchy that values thinking over feeling, material wealth over spiritual, scientific fact over intuitive knowledge, men over women, and heterosexuals over homosexuals.
• Open Expression: because men are rarely rewarded, and often mocked, for openly expressing their deepest feelings of joy, sensitivity, and pain
• Tears: because men, who are “not supposed to cry,” learn to hide their grief as well as their joy
• Work: because men sometimes work so hard that they do not have time or space for exploring their hearts
• Hiding Feelings: because, in an attempt to respect the women’s movement, some men feel compelled to silence themselves and hide any “unacceptable” maleness
• Fathers and Sons: because communication between boys and fathers is often cold or nonexistent in our culture, and too many elders “retire” to the golf course rather than mentor younger generations
• Dealing with Anger: because men don’t know how – and are not trained – to deal with their anger and outrage in healthy ways

Tough Guys Hurt Too

There are, of course, many other factors involved. However, men who decide to enter the world of litigation have to be “tough men.” In our world, the spiritual side is perhaps even more hidden than in the general male population. It’s therefore understandable that male trial lawyers frequently exhibit symptoms of out-of-balance masculinity – from taking tough guy attitudes to early bouts of alcoholism and substance abuse, and simply enduring the chronic stress that leads to physical and psychological debilitation, which in turn may lead to an early grave. Guys, it didn’t really work for us in the past, and it’s certainly not working now.